Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
