Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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