Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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