If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
