I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
