Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize