i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
