used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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