I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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