it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
