You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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