Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
