so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
