Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
