I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize