I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
