I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
