I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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