He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
