These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
