Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
