i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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