I have demons in me.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
