hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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