If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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