Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
