new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
