No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
