Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
