i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
