Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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