My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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