My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
