Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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