just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
