Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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