Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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