with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
