I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
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