Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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