guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
