what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
she woke up with a sticky ear
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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