oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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