He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
