You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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