dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
