Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize