This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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