remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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