WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
