So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
