No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
