Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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