i always forget guys have bellybuttons
what day is it and did you see me today?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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