I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
