Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
