I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
