sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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