The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
