fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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