you would pick up someone in the library
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
