True but thats because hes a fetus.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
