Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
BRING THE BAGELS
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
