ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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