bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
