i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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