She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The uberlube is also flammable
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
