instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
