you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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