I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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