sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
