dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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