wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
