saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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