under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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